


Unwarm lights.

by willowtreeforthesoul



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Fluff and Angst, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Sickfic, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:28:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27566008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willowtreeforthesoul/pseuds/willowtreeforthesoul
Summary: As the cold star shaped candle burns away dimly in the corner of the room, Hajime wonders if it's possible to overdose on love. As cliché as that sounds, the thought rattles around his sore head like a pestering instrument playing quite possibly the saddest melody anyone has ever heard.Aka,,, uh author tries to write terminal illness ??
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 8
Kudos: 45





	Unwarm lights.

**Author's Note:**

> This is like my first ever fanfic so I'm literally so sorry it's so poorly written.
> 
> Also it's like 2am and I'm crying okay yes everything is spelt wrong.

As the cold star shaped candle burns away dimly in the corner of the room, Hajime wonders if it's possible to overdose on love. As cliché as that sounds, the thought rattles around his sore head like a pestering instrument playing quite possibly the saddest melody anyone has ever heard.

But still, he wonders. He wonders if this is the love you hear about in children's books, of knights and dragons and love that lasts forever, with a nice little happily ever after to top it all off (even if their is no point wondering that anymore, when he knows how tragically this is is going to end).

He wonders because it's all he can do, it's all he has time to do. It's all his shattering skull can think about, whenever he isn't thinking about him.

Nagito, his love, his boyfriend, and any and every complimenting name he could ever think of. He loves him, he really does. As immature as the word is, it is the only one, if any, that's capable of describing how much he feels for the boy. The only word that captures the heart stopping empty aching sensation in his chest whenever he watches a quite cough slip it's way out of Nagito. The word that fits the hollow dripping feeling in the place where his heart is supposed to fit whenever there is even the slightest change in the heart monitor.

It really is no understatement that he loves him. A childish word, ironically. Something sits heavy when Hajime thinks of it like that. A childish word that fits his situation so bittersweetly.  
Because there is nothing childish about this love, at all.

Because there's nothing childish about watching your beloved die.

Even more irony, actually. A childish word for two young adults who had anything but a childhood. He feels something slither its way out his stomach, and squeeze its way out of his throat, and it takes him way too long to realise he's laughing.

"Are you okay?"

The weak voice calls out from the bed, tangled in wires and drips and stuff Hajime doesn't even understand. The voice belonging to something much weaker, he thinks as he looks at his sickened lover. It brings him pain somewhere in the back of his head to look at Nagito. Maybe it's because he knows how small he looks in that hospital bed, or maybe it's how the sickly smell of the hospital is burning his caramel eyes. (or maybe it's because they both know that the end is so very near).

"Yeah, didn't mean to worry you. Are you alright, Nagito?"

The boy in questioned simply nods as his dry lips tug a little further down his face, in a some poor unenergized attempt at a frown. Because Nagito knows he's being lied to, he may be terminally ill but he's not stupid. He knows how the healthier of two burries his own feelings, somewhere deep locked up inside until they simply cease to exsist altogether. And it hurts. It hurts almost more than the tumour to see how much this is impacting everyone he loves. Like he's some sort of radioactive living ticking time bomb, and just by being around him his loved ones are slowly being infected, all preparing for the day he blows up and leaves forever and they all have to deal with the casualties.

There's an ugly feeling licking the insides of his stomach, slathering his weak body with even more unnecessary discomfort as an apology tumbles it's way out of his dying mouth, and the words burn.

The look Hajime gives him burns as well.

The warmth coming from those loving eyes is too much for Nagito to bear, too much for him to even think he's worthy of deserving. And as if that isn't enough, the pain in those same eyes pierce right through him, reminding him of how much trouble he's putting everyone through. Another 'sorry' nearly slithers its way out of his sandpaper feeling throat, before he locks eyes with Hajime again and cannot bring himself to make his lover feel any worse.  
So instead, he changes the subject in his decaying mind, some dry attempt of distracting them both from their sad story of a life.

The candle flickers as a cough racks its way through Nagito's entire sore body, and Hajime is at his side in moments rubbing his back and murmuring comforts. 

As the slowly finishing flame dances ungracefully, Nagito can't help but wonder what will provide the room with warmth once the fire dies out completely. Although, to say that the candle actually makes any heat at all would be a great exaggeration, so what difference it would actually make is the real question. Would it make any? Such a worthless little thing dying out, would that really be so bad?

"The candles nearly burnt completely, Hajime. I think we should blow it out before it runs out though, as a mercy."

The dying man wonders how his lover will respond, if at all. He's briefly concerned on the fact that maybe Hajime will just agree with him, and the conversation will end there, meaningless and dull. He tries not to think about that's all he deserves. Still, the brunette consuming his thoughts speaks at last.

"What'd you mean?" 

And Nagito can't help but grin at the question, because Hajime, someone so amazing is asking him for his opinion. He's being asked for a look into his twisted mind willingly, and that is something truly hopeful indeed. Beforehand, Nagito's rambles often fell of deaf ears, too much for anybody to care about and not enough for anyone to listen to. But now that he's sick, people actually care, and that's so selfish to say but he's somewhat glad.

With a plague in his mind and heart, he opens his sorry mouth, and begins.

"Well, what is a candle used for? I'd say for warmth, but it's too small for that, and our candle is dying anyway so it probably couldn't anyway."

"Probably just decoration then, right?"

"Right! Yes, but in this situation we're going to provide the candle with worth, so in this hypothetical theory the candle is for heat, alright?"

"Alright, I get it. Keep going, I'm listening." And he means it more than he's ever meant anything ever, because now there will never be enough time to listen to the beautiful words that skip out of his boyfriends lovely mouth.

"But the candle is weak, it's dying and it hasn't got long left at all. In fact, it's so weak that it can't even provide the one function it's supposed to do, is it really fair to just leave it suffering as it is? Wouldn't it be so much kinder to kill it now, whilst it's still able to barely produce warmth? It could die still having some worth."

The brunette doesn't respond. He doesn't respond because there is no reasonable way too. Because he knows exactly what Nagito is talking about, and it's sickening and gross and it's such a komaeda thing to say but..

"Sometimes I think of blowing it out completely. Before it reaches time."

Deafening silence is the only thing that answers the albino, as Hajime doesn't even look at him. Forever drags on for a little while, tugging them both along with it until the brunette finally responds.

"I would light it again if you did."

Nagito laughs, the bitter strangled noise gauging it's way out of his heaving body.

"I know you would, that's the problem. You'd be burdened taking care of that silly candle, even though it's going to burn out anyway. It's foolish."

"I enjoy every moment of it, so it's not really a burden to me. I'll keep telling you until you believe it."

The venomous words of "do we really have time for that?" die on his throat, because they both know that they don't. Well, he doesn't at least.

Still, something burns within Nagito, and it's burning greater than any silly candle ever could. And it's making his whole undeserving body feel warm, and he will absolutely not call this love.

Because to call this wonderful feeling love would be selfish.How dare he hold his lovers hand when it's so very obvious how soon he's going to be ripped away. How dare he think that he's worthy of any of the attention he's being unrightfully given.

The self absorbed thoughts don't die in his sick mind for a long while, and they won't until his very end.  
But once more, he lets himself dream a self fuffulling train of thought as he looks at Hajime and wonders unfairly out loud..

"Would you stay with me until the candle burns out?"

And the his other half responds immediately, with an answer that feels nicer than then the sun on your cold skin

"Forever."

(and neither of them talk about how they don't have that time)


End file.
